Zodiac Chillers #6: “Pisces Drowning” by Ellen Steiber

Sorry to skip over the fifth book in the series, Never Love a Libra by Vicki Kamida. It is, as I explained in a previous post, pretty expensive on the second hand market right now and I’m not prepared to spend around $30 USD on a book that’s not even good. I will do my best to get hold of it eventually; I’ve heard some very strange things about it and want to see if they’re true. Anyway, today we’re looking at this one: Pisces Drowning, which turned out to be the final book in the series, although 13 books were originally planned.

The cover: A girl, with very long blonde hair like Rapunzel or something, is floating in the sea during a storm. She’s covered in seaweed and looks like she’s wearing a boob tube but, according to the book, it’s actually a prom dress. Well, there is a scene in the book where a character wears this dress in the sea; but the phrase “Stormy sea of love …” is, at best, misleading. Her pose and expression make it look like she’s appearing in either a shampoo ad or a porno. Also, she seems to be seconds away from electrocution.

Horror High #5: “Hard Rock” by Nicholas Adams

US cover:

Someone’s hand, wearing a lacy fingerless glove over another glove and a skull with a ring on it, playing a damaged and bloody guitar. It looks like this is supposed to be a woman’s hand, even though the guitarist in the book is male. Maybe it represents Cathy (protagonist), but she isn’t a musician at all?

UK cover:

A bizarre implement that is somehow a combination axe-guitar, and therefore wouldn’t work well as either. There is a crucial scene in the book featuring the axe and a sound mixer, so at least it does bear some resemblance to what you’re about to read.

Horror High #3: “Heartbreaker” by Nicholas Adams

US cover:

For once, this cover is entirely accurate. It depicts a scene where a character is killed whilst on the phone and writing down a message in lipstick. Sure, it’s got a couple of corny elements (the sharpened lipstick, the writing trailing off to look like a blood smear) but they work. It is a trashy YA horror novel after all.

UK edition:

Also entirely accurate! This depicts another scene in the book where a female killer murders a girl and then leaves the message All yours, loverboy on the wall! Why can’t all the covers be this honest?

Horror High #4: “New Kid on the Block” by Nicholas Adams

US cover:

A blue-faced alien … thing (reminiscent of James Cameron’s Avatar) is looking at its own face in the mirror of a makeup compact. Its eyes have apparently liquefied and are leaking down its cheeks. The book contains a couple of scenes where Stephanie looks in a mirror and hallucinates that she sees Amanda’s crying face, and I guess that’s what this is supposed to be – but why is she blue?!

UK cover:

A creepy-looking girl holding up a pile of bloodstained letters. This is a lot more book-accurate except that the girl looks like a zombie. Is this supposed to be Stephanie (whose physical description matches her) or Amanda (who’s dead?)

Horror High #2: “Resolved: You’re Dead” by Nicholas Adams

Original US cover:

Pretty boring; it’s a locket with Skip’s photo inside, and “lightning” over his face (that’s a spoiler as to how he gets killed.) Despite the caption, this picture makes it look like Skip is the villain of the story and that this is yet another generic horror tale of a high school girl whose boyfriend turns out to be a murderer.

UK cover:

A guy with a noose and knife, who looks like he’s wearing one of those masks out of The Purge movies. This image, and the nonsensical removal of the word “Resolved”, completely obscures what the book is about: a high school debating team. Did the publishers concede that debating isn’t a very sexy subject, or did they just think British readers wouldn’t know what a debating team is? OK, most high schools here don’t have one but they are common in universities and I think most readers would be aware of how it’s supposed to work? This is the second book in the original release, but I guess in the UK it was the seventh for some reason.

Back from the void

I would be surprised if I have any readers left since I haven’t posted in forever; but someone being kind enough to comment inspired me to come back to this blog. (Just letting someone know you appreciate them can make a difference – I’ve experienced this many times before.) Anyway, here’s the current plan for the blog:

Zodiac Chillers #6: Pisces Drowning (I no longer have my original copy of book #5, “Never Love a Libra”; and it’s currently not on sale for any less than £25, which I am not prepared to pay. If anyone has a copy they wouldn’t mind sharing, let me know)

Horror High #2: Resolved, You’re Dead

Horror High #3: Heartbreaker

Horror High #4: New Kid on the Block (Might be posted before #3 since I already have #4, but might have to order #3 from the US)

 

Horror High #1: “Mr Popularity” by Nicholas Adams

Not to be confused with another teen horror series called Horror High, which was a collection of Point Horror and some other YA horror titles re-printed. “Nicholas Adams” doesn’t really exist, but was a collective pseudonym the publishing company used. When this happens, it usually means the quality of the books will vary wildly – but I guess we’ll see how that one turns out.

One thing to note is that some of the Horror High books were re-named for their release in the UK. I don’t know why the titles needed to be changed. I can understand Pep Rally being changed to Blood Game, because schools in the UK don’t have pep rallies (although if you’re a fan of American high school stories presumably you would know what a pep rally is), but the others didn’t really need it?

US cover:

A diary left open, with the words “Tonight I met the perfect guy” written in huge handwriting all across one page. Underneath that is a blood smear, and there are two roses lying across the book. This image implies that as the diarist was in the middle of writing, their “perfect guy” showed up, gave them the roses and then killed them. If he were going to do that, why waste money on the roses?

Quick update

I’ll be returning to posting soon but unfortunately won’t be able to finish the Zodiac Chillers series right away. #5 (Never Love a Libra) is so inane and pointless that I’m struggling to get through it; and #6 (Pisces Drowning) is taking a while to reach me, since I had to order the books from the US.

But! Butbut! We’re starting a new series: Horror High by Nicholas Adams, a lesser-reviewed ’80s-’90s teen horror series that thankfully was published in the UK so I can get the books fairly quickly! Until then, head over to the Point Horror blog for many amusing recaps of Point Horror books and hijinks involving evil twins!

Bonus Post: The Mystery of Zodiac Chillers’ Cancellation

Actually, it’s not much of a mystery. It was probably cancelled because of poor sales, same as any other book series that gets pulled. The books evidently never reached the success of the likes of Fear Street or Christopher Pike, and they get progressively worse in quality; switching focus from OK-ish teen horror to what is basically glorified abusive romance with some pseudo-astrology thrown in. Maybe Zodiac Chillers hit the market at the wrong time – they were published towards the tail-end of the YA horror boom, but too early for the supernatural romance wave popularised by Twilight.

According to a notice inside the final book (Pisces Drowning), there were supposed to be thirteen Zodiac Chillers in total. If the full series had been published, we would have got:

1. Rage of Aquarius 
2. The Scorpio Society 
3. In Leo’s Lair 
4. Twisted Taurus 
5. Never Love a Libra 
6. Pisces Drowning 
7. The Thirteenth Sign 
8. Virgo’s Vengeance
9. Gemini Divided
10. Claws of Cancer
11. Psycho Sagittarius
12. To Kill a Capricorn
13. The Aries Oracle

There are entries for #7 and #8 on Amazon.com but it seems they were never published. We do get summaries though:

The Thirteenth Sign by Ellen Steiber – “Learning on her thirteenth birthday that she is adopted and that no one knows what day her actual birthday is, Camellia confides in her friend Tom and learns that he is an emissary from an advanced alien civilization of healers.”

Well, this definitely sounds more interesting than any of the books that actually made it into print. Aliens, and a younger protagonist, bring the refreshing promise of something different. The title suggests that the book would have focused on Ophiuchus, an apocryphal “thirteenth sign” of the zodiac.

Virgo’s Vengeance by Ruth Koeppel – “Judy, a cautious Virgo, becomes obsessed with her boyfriend, Kyle, and will do anything to keep him, even when he sets his sights on another girl.”

This does not sound refreshingly different, and seems like it would have been pretty much a repeat of Twisted Taurus / In Leo’s Lair. Koeppel did not write any of the existing books, so I don’t know whether she would have done a better job with this storyline. Given that most of her listed bibliography is cringey TV tie-ins for kid’s TV shows, I’m willing to bet the answer is “no.”

I can’t find out any more on the other books, but several of the titles suggest they too would have been variations on the theme of “jealous/obsessed person stalks love interest and kills anyone they see as a rival.” So perhaps it’s just as well Pisces Drowning was the last one.

Zodiac Chillers #4: “Twisted Taurus” by Ellen Steiber

It’s been almost a year. Have you missed me? I’ve missed you, too!

It’s easy to stop blogging if you lack time or energy, which is why a lot of book reviewing blogs die out. I’d like to keep mine going a while longer, though, and I’m going to try to get back to posting a bit more regularly.

I’ve been promising Twisted Taurus for a while, so here it is! This is the best (or worst) cover so far:

A blonde girl with bright red eyes is groping an unconscious Backstreet Boys reject, because She gets what she wants – always! You can’t really see the red eyes in this picture, but they do have a creepy effect when you’re looking at the actual cover.

It’s taken me long enough to post this review. Will it be worth the wait? (Hint: No)